the red thread

i. i have had over a dozen eye surgeries, starting in my early twenties. i've always needed glasses-- thick, coke-bottle lenses-- and then, suddenly, as my retinas began collapsing, surgeries. i was terrified i would lose my vision-- i'm a teacher, a reader, a writer-- the thought of never being able to read a novel on my own again made my teeth ache right down into my stomach. i have lost the ability to read out of my right eye, but i still have my left. my depth perception is way off; parallel parking is impossible. i have figured out how to paint my own nails, though-- very important for a high femme witch. 

me after surgery one billion
my beau did my eyeliner for me since i couldn't see
ii. i had an italian grandfather who would not or could not teach his children his own first language, and so searching for cultural legacy & ancestral gifts is an exercise in hypothesis. ("who needs to know?" is a common question in italian-american households. ask monday, you get one answer. ask tuesday, it's another. ask after a few glasses of chianti & you get the parable of the prodigal son, emphatic kisses, and still no straight answer).

all of this is to say that while i had heard of the malocchio, i didn't quite know what it was. my friend's mother (an intuitive Scorpio-- the first time we met, she said to my pal: she's a Leo, I see, but she has Scorpio eyes) gave me a bracelet meant to ward off the malocchio, or the evil eye. i wore it every day, to bring me luck through my physically-manifested trial of the evil eye. while my eyesight failed, and i had to lay ON MY FACE for a week to recover, i asked myself: what am I supposed to be learning to see?

iii. i was still wearing my malocchio bracelet a few years later when as a graduate student, i was working in the office of a brilliant scholar who was (and is) a confidante and surrogate parent. italian via brooklyn escape to long island, like my family-- loud, like me.  she noticed my bracelet & told me, "but you need red thread! my aunts always told me, you need red thread to keep off the evil eye." she took a tiny sewing kit & tied a bit of red thread onto my wrist. "keep it hidden," she said. "it doesn't work if everyone can see it."

iv. the red thread shows up in many cultures-- there is an East Asian "red thread of fate" myth that suggests people connected through destiny are attached by a red thread, particularly people who are meant to marry (i know i just linked to a wikipedia page, but i could NOT find a translation of the myth! only echoes of the myth itself-- if anyone knows of a good translation of the red thread of fate, please do let me know). many adoption services, agencies, and blogs incorporate the idea of the red thread, attaching people not through biology but destiny (some, of course, are critical of that idea, as in the blog i link to above). There is the Kabbalist belief that a red string, tied around the left wrist, invokes the protection of Rachel against the evil eye. & of course, there is the old sicilian & italian superstition: red ribbons on doors, cars, and people to ward off invidia & the malocchio.

v. red thread tarot-- because the red thread protects against the evil eye, and practicing tarot protects against self-ignorance, stagnation and a lack of clarity. because it is culturally and physically relevant to my legally-blind self. because my fairy godmother tied the red thread to me, to keep me safe from harm while i learned to look inward, and to not be afraid of what i see.

the bracelet, my business card, & my deck




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